That's what I am. I am consumed by my fears and it's fear that makes me unstable and needy. I care more about what others think of me to where it almost guides my decision making.I have lost my ambition and passion. I have been unsure that God loves me the way I am and I am not sure if I have even considered that God thinks I am beautiful. My starving soul tries to get it's fill from others and when I don't get enough, I retreat into self pity and mild depression. I am easily hurt and offended, spiritually knowledgeable but essentially lost. I go to bible studies, but my life never really changes because there is nothing inside me for the truth to latch on to-and my will to become and grow is weak. I am tired of being and easy prey for the attacks of the enemy. My instability becomes emotional distress. The cause of this....FEAR. It's parallizing. Wow, when I read that in the book I am reading, I started to cry and felt so embarrassed. Did this author know me and start to read from my heart?
God is really stretching me, my marriage, and my perspective of God. I am a work in progress and I pray that God gives Brandon and I wisdom during this time. I know this might sound harsh, but sometimes the truth is and I am tired of hearing great things and not being able to make that heart-mind connection. How does one make this connection? Being still, waiting on God and not listining to the fear that parallizes me. At 31, I am still learning how to do this. Friends, please keep me and my husband in your prayers. Things are wierd right now, and I just pray that we take the right steps to make our marriage one of fullfillment. God can only do this, but sometimes we have to realize that we need to change. I am praying for a soft heart and open ear to what God wants. I am going to stop listining to the fear. He needs to go. We are at a pivitol moment and we need God to show us the way and hopfully both of our ears will be open and our hearts will change to be more like God.
God is able! He is a marriage champion! He loves us and wants us to NOT fail! God, I am being still....please, change me from within. I am going to not believe the lies any longer! Praise Him!
Captin's dinner on the crusie!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Jacksonville.....my new home!
Hello there my few readers! (Thanks for humoring me! I appreciate it!)
The moves have left and we are smashed sardines in this little duplex!! It's ok, we are saving money by living here and now I know we will probably get to stay in Jax so building the savings account is what we are gonna do. Ok, so our curbside is a mess of boxes...we should have broken them down, but we didn't! And it decided to rain this morning...Oops! :) Well, now the fun begins trying to make this place our "home"...only thing is, there is NO CLOSET SPACE IN THIS HOUSE! Drives me CRAZY! That's all I am gonna say about that...
We did get a storage unit, but I think we needed the bigger size one. We are storing my mother in laws things while she stays with us until she gets a job transfer,so no biggie, just extends the unpacking for a while. I like the area we are living in, it's very convenient to most everything...and well, let's face it, Pensacola and Chattanooga are small towns and I am back in the BIG City and I love it! All my favorite places to eat and shop are so close! Bad news for Brandon! This is why I work too! :) To pay for my MAC makeup and my NY and Co addictions!
Speaking of working...just got back from my job interview with Bank of America and I just have to say that God is so good all the time. I got the job and the manager loved me so much that he is gonna help me move up to personal banker, which is where I wanted to be. He said after meeting me and talking to me about my work experiences, he wants me to work under him. Wow...I don't even know this guy and he wants to help me. Amazing. God is so awesome. The other woman in my interview is a believer because I mentioned about me living in Springfield MO, and she did to and come to find out that she went to the other Assembly of God College in that town. And after telling her I graduated from Lee University, she goes to church where the music ministers both graduated from Lee and were in one of the choirs like me...So I may know them, but we will see! See, God always has a plan even when we don't see it. Even when we don't praise him enough or acknowledge Him enough, He still loves is and wants the very best for us.
Ok, so I hate to brag, but I am awesome at interviews...I don't know what it is, well, I know it's God, but I am just a smooth operator! I thank God for my hard times of being in furniture sales...I realize that now, that it has really helped me with interviews and to help carry me as a working woman in this day and age where hard workers are not as prevalent. All things work together for OUR Good....it's taken me a few years to see the big picture, but it's awesome when you can see the puzzle picture. Ok, I just had to share!
Well, off to my new commissary! Love grocery shopping!
Until my mood hits to write again!
The moves have left and we are smashed sardines in this little duplex!! It's ok, we are saving money by living here and now I know we will probably get to stay in Jax so building the savings account is what we are gonna do. Ok, so our curbside is a mess of boxes...we should have broken them down, but we didn't! And it decided to rain this morning...Oops! :) Well, now the fun begins trying to make this place our "home"...only thing is, there is NO CLOSET SPACE IN THIS HOUSE! Drives me CRAZY! That's all I am gonna say about that...
We did get a storage unit, but I think we needed the bigger size one. We are storing my mother in laws things while she stays with us until she gets a job transfer,so no biggie, just extends the unpacking for a while. I like the area we are living in, it's very convenient to most everything...and well, let's face it, Pensacola and Chattanooga are small towns and I am back in the BIG City and I love it! All my favorite places to eat and shop are so close! Bad news for Brandon! This is why I work too! :) To pay for my MAC makeup and my NY and Co addictions!
Speaking of working...just got back from my job interview with Bank of America and I just have to say that God is so good all the time. I got the job and the manager loved me so much that he is gonna help me move up to personal banker, which is where I wanted to be. He said after meeting me and talking to me about my work experiences, he wants me to work under him. Wow...I don't even know this guy and he wants to help me. Amazing. God is so awesome. The other woman in my interview is a believer because I mentioned about me living in Springfield MO, and she did to and come to find out that she went to the other Assembly of God College in that town. And after telling her I graduated from Lee University, she goes to church where the music ministers both graduated from Lee and were in one of the choirs like me...So I may know them, but we will see! See, God always has a plan even when we don't see it. Even when we don't praise him enough or acknowledge Him enough, He still loves is and wants the very best for us.
Ok, so I hate to brag, but I am awesome at interviews...I don't know what it is, well, I know it's God, but I am just a smooth operator! I thank God for my hard times of being in furniture sales...I realize that now, that it has really helped me with interviews and to help carry me as a working woman in this day and age where hard workers are not as prevalent. All things work together for OUR Good....it's taken me a few years to see the big picture, but it's awesome when you can see the puzzle picture. Ok, I just had to share!
Well, off to my new commissary! Love grocery shopping!
Until my mood hits to write again!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Military Move almost in progress!
Ok so there are a few things, so far that I love about being a military dependant. THEY PACK AND MOVE ALL OF OUR THINGS! Yes, it's true, I don't really have to do much but observe and make sure that every box is accounted for and that they don't try to steal my stuff....which I have heard happening more than I would like to believe.
Brandon finally set up the move on line and a lady called today to confirm a date for them to come look at all of our things to decide how many boxes, what kind of shipping equiptment etc.... Our packing dates are the 23rd and 24th and the pack out date is the 25th...so moving out of town is the 26th. It's all coming together!
Also, on another note, it's been a whirl-wind of emotions for me lately. God is really dealing with me about somethings. I am reading this book called "Do you think I am beautiful" and it's very interesting for us women who desire to be desired and have some over the top emotional reactions to things. Not all women are like this, I realize, but I am one of the "lucky" ones who wears my heart on my sleave and always show my emotions with out thinking or even knowing it sometimes.
This drives my husband kind of crazy at times....Imagine that! We are opposites when it comes to emotions, as most men are but he is very unemotional. And I know that, that is not a bad thing, but it drives me crazy at times....so you can see how this works for us!
After 6 1/2 years of marriage, things change as we both have changed together and some things changed not together. That's the beauty of love and making a relationship work this day and age, I believe. We still have to Choose to love even in our best and worst days. God can only fill the little voids we have (I have). A human man can't fill our every need emotionaly, I am finally learning this!! Sounds like a DUH moment right? Well, maybe for some but not me. I am finally realizing that my husband does love me in his own way and I am to appreciate him for that! We can't expect our spouses to be, act and do things that is just not them to do. I guess it sounds like I am kind of giving in to him not changing, but as I read in my old journals from when we were dating, he was the same then. So just because we have been together for this long doesn't mean I should start holding him accountable to higher standards and a different way of showing his love for me if he's never done this before. Men are not women, and I know my husband will do things that will take me by surprize, and we should appreciate that effort. But God is relentless! HE wants all of us, not just part of us. I love this word....Relentless....it means to keep coming after you but in a compassionate way. That's how much God loves us and thinks that we are just the greatest thing since sliced bread! Lame joke, but my prayer for you and me is that we should always know that God fills us with love and adoration when our husbands are not able to show us like we would like them to! God thinks we are the most beautiful creatures that He's ever created so we need to start believeing it and not putting the blame on our husbands shortcomings. I know I am gonna try to start this!
Well, that's it.....I just typed it out there for you who want to read!
Blessing!
Brandon finally set up the move on line and a lady called today to confirm a date for them to come look at all of our things to decide how many boxes, what kind of shipping equiptment etc.... Our packing dates are the 23rd and 24th and the pack out date is the 25th...so moving out of town is the 26th. It's all coming together!
Also, on another note, it's been a whirl-wind of emotions for me lately. God is really dealing with me about somethings. I am reading this book called "Do you think I am beautiful" and it's very interesting for us women who desire to be desired and have some over the top emotional reactions to things. Not all women are like this, I realize, but I am one of the "lucky" ones who wears my heart on my sleave and always show my emotions with out thinking or even knowing it sometimes.
This drives my husband kind of crazy at times....Imagine that! We are opposites when it comes to emotions, as most men are but he is very unemotional. And I know that, that is not a bad thing, but it drives me crazy at times....so you can see how this works for us!
After 6 1/2 years of marriage, things change as we both have changed together and some things changed not together. That's the beauty of love and making a relationship work this day and age, I believe. We still have to Choose to love even in our best and worst days. God can only fill the little voids we have (I have). A human man can't fill our every need emotionaly, I am finally learning this!! Sounds like a DUH moment right? Well, maybe for some but not me. I am finally realizing that my husband does love me in his own way and I am to appreciate him for that! We can't expect our spouses to be, act and do things that is just not them to do. I guess it sounds like I am kind of giving in to him not changing, but as I read in my old journals from when we were dating, he was the same then. So just because we have been together for this long doesn't mean I should start holding him accountable to higher standards and a different way of showing his love for me if he's never done this before. Men are not women, and I know my husband will do things that will take me by surprize, and we should appreciate that effort. But God is relentless! HE wants all of us, not just part of us. I love this word....Relentless....it means to keep coming after you but in a compassionate way. That's how much God loves us and thinks that we are just the greatest thing since sliced bread! Lame joke, but my prayer for you and me is that we should always know that God fills us with love and adoration when our husbands are not able to show us like we would like them to! God thinks we are the most beautiful creatures that He's ever created so we need to start believeing it and not putting the blame on our husbands shortcomings. I know I am gonna try to start this!
Well, that's it.....I just typed it out there for you who want to read!
Blessing!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Hello bloggers!!
I am a new blogger and since my husband and I's life is about to get more and more exciing, I thought that I should blog about the experiences.
I am off work today...the sun is shining here in Florida and it's actually a little warmer so today is a walk my Great Dane day...he needs it. Can dogs get cabin fever? Because I think Kaine does! I can't take my little Sophie, the dachshund, is hurt, like has a pulled muscle in her neck so she is resting on the heating pad, after taking her pain meds and after yesterday's acupuncturist came to work on her. Yes, we did, and it's working! She is stiff in the mornings, but my dog really felt better after she worked on her. So I am a believer! Now I know it sounds wierd that I would do this for my dog, but we have no kids and Sophie's only 5 years old (they can live up to 17 sometimes) so this is trying to help her before she hurts herself really bad and can't move. More to come on this...
So, as I said in my blog description, we are awaiting orders to move to Jacksonville, FL and we are most excited, but also sad to leave the wonderful family of friends we have made at Liberty Church...these people have meant the world to me. I hope and pray that I can do the same for another person and that we can find a wonderful new group of friends in Jax. Also my wonderful little bank job, I love the people I work with and I hope I can transfer to another banking center that has wonderful people working there as well as interesting customers!
That's all for now....
I am off work today...the sun is shining here in Florida and it's actually a little warmer so today is a walk my Great Dane day...he needs it. Can dogs get cabin fever? Because I think Kaine does! I can't take my little Sophie, the dachshund, is hurt, like has a pulled muscle in her neck so she is resting on the heating pad, after taking her pain meds and after yesterday's acupuncturist came to work on her. Yes, we did, and it's working! She is stiff in the mornings, but my dog really felt better after she worked on her. So I am a believer! Now I know it sounds wierd that I would do this for my dog, but we have no kids and Sophie's only 5 years old (they can live up to 17 sometimes) so this is trying to help her before she hurts herself really bad and can't move. More to come on this...
So, as I said in my blog description, we are awaiting orders to move to Jacksonville, FL and we are most excited, but also sad to leave the wonderful family of friends we have made at Liberty Church...these people have meant the world to me. I hope and pray that I can do the same for another person and that we can find a wonderful new group of friends in Jax. Also my wonderful little bank job, I love the people I work with and I hope I can transfer to another banking center that has wonderful people working there as well as interesting customers!
That's all for now....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)