That's what I am. I am consumed by my fears and it's fear that makes me unstable and needy. I care more about what others think of me to where it almost guides my decision making.I have lost my ambition and passion. I have been unsure that God loves me the way I am and I am not sure if I have even considered that God thinks I am beautiful. My starving soul tries to get it's fill from others and when I don't get enough, I retreat into self pity and mild depression. I am easily hurt and offended, spiritually knowledgeable but essentially lost. I go to bible studies, but my life never really changes because there is nothing inside me for the truth to latch on to-and my will to become and grow is weak. I am tired of being and easy prey for the attacks of the enemy. My instability becomes emotional distress. The cause of this....FEAR. It's parallizing. Wow, when I read that in the book I am reading, I started to cry and felt so embarrassed. Did this author know me and start to read from my heart?
God is really stretching me, my marriage, and my perspective of God. I am a work in progress and I pray that God gives Brandon and I wisdom during this time. I know this might sound harsh, but sometimes the truth is and I am tired of hearing great things and not being able to make that heart-mind connection. How does one make this connection? Being still, waiting on God and not listining to the fear that parallizes me. At 31, I am still learning how to do this. Friends, please keep me and my husband in your prayers. Things are wierd right now, and I just pray that we take the right steps to make our marriage one of fullfillment. God can only do this, but sometimes we have to realize that we need to change. I am praying for a soft heart and open ear to what God wants. I am going to stop listining to the fear. He needs to go. We are at a pivitol moment and we need God to show us the way and hopfully both of our ears will be open and our hearts will change to be more like God.
God is able! He is a marriage champion! He loves us and wants us to NOT fail! God, I am being still....please, change me from within. I am going to not believe the lies any longer! Praise Him!
Thanks for your honesty. Praying for you two. Don't be too hard on yourself my friend. Bad or difficult seasons come and God may seem absent, but He is always there though seemingly silent.
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