That's what I am. I am consumed by my fears and it's fear that makes me unstable and needy. I care more about what others think of me to where it almost guides my decision making.I have lost my ambition and passion. I have been unsure that God loves me the way I am and I am not sure if I have even considered that God thinks I am beautiful. My starving soul tries to get it's fill from others and when I don't get enough, I retreat into self pity and mild depression. I am easily hurt and offended, spiritually knowledgeable but essentially lost. I go to bible studies, but my life never really changes because there is nothing inside me for the truth to latch on to-and my will to become and grow is weak. I am tired of being and easy prey for the attacks of the enemy. My instability becomes emotional distress. The cause of this....FEAR. It's parallizing. Wow, when I read that in the book I am reading, I started to cry and felt so embarrassed. Did this author know me and start to read from my heart?
God is really stretching me, my marriage, and my perspective of God. I am a work in progress and I pray that God gives Brandon and I wisdom during this time. I know this might sound harsh, but sometimes the truth is and I am tired of hearing great things and not being able to make that heart-mind connection. How does one make this connection? Being still, waiting on God and not listining to the fear that parallizes me. At 31, I am still learning how to do this. Friends, please keep me and my husband in your prayers. Things are wierd right now, and I just pray that we take the right steps to make our marriage one of fullfillment. God can only do this, but sometimes we have to realize that we need to change. I am praying for a soft heart and open ear to what God wants. I am going to stop listining to the fear. He needs to go. We are at a pivitol moment and we need God to show us the way and hopfully both of our ears will be open and our hearts will change to be more like God.
God is able! He is a marriage champion! He loves us and wants us to NOT fail! God, I am being still....please, change me from within. I am going to not believe the lies any longer! Praise Him!
Captin's dinner on the crusie!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Jacksonville.....my new home!
Hello there my few readers! (Thanks for humoring me! I appreciate it!)
The moves have left and we are smashed sardines in this little duplex!! It's ok, we are saving money by living here and now I know we will probably get to stay in Jax so building the savings account is what we are gonna do. Ok, so our curbside is a mess of boxes...we should have broken them down, but we didn't! And it decided to rain this morning...Oops! :) Well, now the fun begins trying to make this place our "home"...only thing is, there is NO CLOSET SPACE IN THIS HOUSE! Drives me CRAZY! That's all I am gonna say about that...
We did get a storage unit, but I think we needed the bigger size one. We are storing my mother in laws things while she stays with us until she gets a job transfer,so no biggie, just extends the unpacking for a while. I like the area we are living in, it's very convenient to most everything...and well, let's face it, Pensacola and Chattanooga are small towns and I am back in the BIG City and I love it! All my favorite places to eat and shop are so close! Bad news for Brandon! This is why I work too! :) To pay for my MAC makeup and my NY and Co addictions!
Speaking of working...just got back from my job interview with Bank of America and I just have to say that God is so good all the time. I got the job and the manager loved me so much that he is gonna help me move up to personal banker, which is where I wanted to be. He said after meeting me and talking to me about my work experiences, he wants me to work under him. Wow...I don't even know this guy and he wants to help me. Amazing. God is so awesome. The other woman in my interview is a believer because I mentioned about me living in Springfield MO, and she did to and come to find out that she went to the other Assembly of God College in that town. And after telling her I graduated from Lee University, she goes to church where the music ministers both graduated from Lee and were in one of the choirs like me...So I may know them, but we will see! See, God always has a plan even when we don't see it. Even when we don't praise him enough or acknowledge Him enough, He still loves is and wants the very best for us.
Ok, so I hate to brag, but I am awesome at interviews...I don't know what it is, well, I know it's God, but I am just a smooth operator! I thank God for my hard times of being in furniture sales...I realize that now, that it has really helped me with interviews and to help carry me as a working woman in this day and age where hard workers are not as prevalent. All things work together for OUR Good....it's taken me a few years to see the big picture, but it's awesome when you can see the puzzle picture. Ok, I just had to share!
Well, off to my new commissary! Love grocery shopping!
Until my mood hits to write again!
The moves have left and we are smashed sardines in this little duplex!! It's ok, we are saving money by living here and now I know we will probably get to stay in Jax so building the savings account is what we are gonna do. Ok, so our curbside is a mess of boxes...we should have broken them down, but we didn't! And it decided to rain this morning...Oops! :) Well, now the fun begins trying to make this place our "home"...only thing is, there is NO CLOSET SPACE IN THIS HOUSE! Drives me CRAZY! That's all I am gonna say about that...
We did get a storage unit, but I think we needed the bigger size one. We are storing my mother in laws things while she stays with us until she gets a job transfer,so no biggie, just extends the unpacking for a while. I like the area we are living in, it's very convenient to most everything...and well, let's face it, Pensacola and Chattanooga are small towns and I am back in the BIG City and I love it! All my favorite places to eat and shop are so close! Bad news for Brandon! This is why I work too! :) To pay for my MAC makeup and my NY and Co addictions!
Speaking of working...just got back from my job interview with Bank of America and I just have to say that God is so good all the time. I got the job and the manager loved me so much that he is gonna help me move up to personal banker, which is where I wanted to be. He said after meeting me and talking to me about my work experiences, he wants me to work under him. Wow...I don't even know this guy and he wants to help me. Amazing. God is so awesome. The other woman in my interview is a believer because I mentioned about me living in Springfield MO, and she did to and come to find out that she went to the other Assembly of God College in that town. And after telling her I graduated from Lee University, she goes to church where the music ministers both graduated from Lee and were in one of the choirs like me...So I may know them, but we will see! See, God always has a plan even when we don't see it. Even when we don't praise him enough or acknowledge Him enough, He still loves is and wants the very best for us.
Ok, so I hate to brag, but I am awesome at interviews...I don't know what it is, well, I know it's God, but I am just a smooth operator! I thank God for my hard times of being in furniture sales...I realize that now, that it has really helped me with interviews and to help carry me as a working woman in this day and age where hard workers are not as prevalent. All things work together for OUR Good....it's taken me a few years to see the big picture, but it's awesome when you can see the puzzle picture. Ok, I just had to share!
Well, off to my new commissary! Love grocery shopping!
Until my mood hits to write again!
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